Sermon - Yom Kippur 2005 - Caregivers are Heroes too

YK ‘05
LET ME BEGIN BY ASKING YOU A QUESTION: IF SOMEONE WERE TO COME INTO THE SYNAGOGUE THIS MORNING WEARING THE CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR, OR A SILVER STAR, OR A PURPLE HEART, OR ANY OTHER SYMBOL OF HEROISM DURING WAR, HOW WOULD WE TREAT THEM?

I AM SURE THAT WE WOULD MAKE EVERY ATTEMPT TO GIVE SUCH A PERSON EVERY HONOR THAT THEY DESERVE. WE WOULD CALL THEM UP FOR AN ALIYAH OR GIVE THEM SOME BIMA HONOR, AND WE WOULD TREAT THEM WITH ALL THE RESPECT THAT THEY DESERVE.

AND YET, WITHOUT TAKING AWAY ANYTHING FROM THE BRAVERY OF SUCH PEOPLE WHO HAVE WON MEDALS FOR COURAGE IN ACTION, IS IT NOT TRUE THAT IN MAOST CASES THEIR HEROISM CONSISTED OF ONE BRIEF ACT, AN ACT THAT MAY HAVE TAKEN THIRTY SECONDS OR MAYBE A MINUTE TO PERFORM. WHEREAS, THERE ARE PEOPLE SITTING IN THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW WHO ARE PERFORMING DEEDS OF DAILY HEROISM, WHOM WE BARELY NOTICE, WHOM WE SELDOM PRAISE, AND WHOM WE PAY LITTLE ATTENTION TO.

THEREFORE, I WANT TO PAY TRIBUTE THIS MORNING TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE SITTING HERE RIGHT NOW WHOM I CONSIDER TO BE THE MOST HEROIC PEOPLE IN THIS CONGREGATION. CAN ANY ONE OF YOU GUESS WHO THEY ARE?

THESE PEOPLE WEAR NO BADGES. THEY GET NO PLAQUES. THERE ARE NO TRIBUTE DINNERS AT WHICH THEY ARE THE GUESTS OF HONOR. AND YET I BELIEVE THAT THIS SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE--SOME OF WHOM YOU KNOW, SOME OF WHOM YOU MAY NOT KNOW - ONE OF WHOM MAY BE SITTING NEXT TO YOU AT THIS VERY MOMENT---THESE PEOPLE ARE IN MY JUDGMENT THE MOST HEROIC ONES HERE. CAN YOU GUESS WHO THEY ARE?
THEY ARE THE PEOPLE WHO, DAY IN AND DAY OUT, WEEK IN AND WEEK OUT, MONTH IN AND MONTH OUT, CARRY OUT THE ENORMOUSLY CHALLENGING, THE ENORMOUSLY DRAINING AND THE ENORMOUSLY DIFFICULT TASK, OF BEING CAREGIVERS TO THOSE WHO ARE AFFLICTED WITH ONE OF THOSE DISEASES THAT RAVAGE THE BODIES AND CONSUME THE SOULS OF THE PEOPLE WITH WHOM THEIR LIVES ARE BOUND. TODAY I WANT TO YOU ABOUT WHAT WE SHOULD DO AND HOW WE SHOULD COPE, WHEN SOMEONE WHOM WE LOVE IS STRICKEN WITH A DEBILITATING DISEASE.


I HAVE CHOSEN TO SPEAK ABOUT THIS PAINFUL SUBJECT TODAY FOR TWO REASONS.

THE FIRST IS BECAUSE I WANT TO PAY TRIBUTE TO ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL WOMEN IN AMERICA, FORMER SUPREME COURT JUSTICE SANDRA DAY O’CONNER. YEAR. BACK IN JULY, WHEN SHE RESIGNED, IT WAS A SHOCK AND A SURPRISE TO THE WHOLE COUNTRY. THE WHITE HOUSE, THE CONGRESS, AND HER FELLOW MEMBERS OF THE COURT ALL SAID THAT THEY HAD NO ADVANCE KNOWLEDGE THAT SHE WAS GOING TO RESIGN. AND WHEN SHE DID, THE FOCUS OF THE COUNTRY WENT IMMEDIATELY TO THE QUESTION OF WHO WAS GOING TO TAKE HER PLACE.

BUT IN ALL THE DISCUSSIONS OF WHO WOULD TAKE HER PLACE, ONE PART OF THE STORY GOT OVERLOOKED. WHEN SHE RESIGNED, HER LETTER SIMPLY SAID THAT SHE WAS RESIGNING 'FOR PERSONAL REASONS'. AND SHE NEVER EXPLAINED WHAT THAT MEANT.

BUT WHEN THE REPORTERS CALLED HER SON, AND ASKED HIM IF HE KNEW WHY HIS MOTHER WAS RETIRING FROM THE SUPREME COURT, HE GAVE A VERY SIMPLE ANSWER. HE SAID, “MY DAD HAS BEGUN TO SHOW THE FIRST SIGNS OF ALZHEIMER'S. AND, FOR MY MOTHER, IF SHE HAS TO CHOOSE BETWEEN TAKING CARE OF HER HUSBAND OR BEING A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE, IT WAS A NO-BRAINER WHICH SHE WOULD CHOOSE.”
AND I THINK SHE SHOULD BE HONORED AND ADMIRED FOR HER DECISION.

THE SECOND REASON WHY I HAVE CHOSEN TO SPEAK ON THIS THEME TODAY IS BECAUSE THIS IS THE THEME OF ONE OF THE CENTRAL PRAYERS THAT WE RECITE ON THIS DAY. THERE IS ONE PASSAGE IN THE YOM KIPPUR SERVICE THAT SPEAKS TO ME WITH EVER INCREASING URGENCY AND POWER FROM YEAR TO YEAR, AND I SUSPECT THAT IT SPEAKS TO YOUR HEARTS JUST AS MUCH AS IT DOES TO MINE. IT IS THE PASSAGE THAT WE SAY FIVE TIMES ON YOM KIPPUR: FIVE TIMES, FIRST IN MAARIV, THEN IN SHACHRIT, THEN IN MUSSAF, THEN IN MINCHA, AND THEN AT NEILAH. FIVE TIMES WE OPEN THE ARK, AND RISE, AND SAY TOGETHER THESE AWESOME WORDS: “SHMA KOLEYNU, ADONOY ELOHEYNU, CHUS VIRACHEM OLEYNMU, VIKABEL BIRACHIM UVIRATSON ET TIFILEYTEYNU - HEAR OUR VOICE, O LORD OUR GOD, TAKE NOTICE AND HAVE COMPASSION UPON US AND ACCEPT WITH FAVOR THIS PRAYER.” AND THEN WE SAY: “ AL TASHLICHEYNU L'ET ZIKNAH, KICHLOT KOCHEYNU AL TA AZVEYNU -DO NOT THROW US AWAY WHEN WE GROW OLD; WHEN OUR STRENGTH GIVES OUT, DO NOT ABANDON US.”

I MUST TELL YOU THAT THE OLDER I GET, THE MORE THOSE WORDS MOVE ME, THE MORE THEY HIT ME AND HURT ME, AND I SUSPECT THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY, BECAUSE THE FEAR OF BECOMING OLD AND THE FEAR OF BECOMING HELPLESS AND THE FEAR OF BEING ABANDONED IN OUR OLD AGE IS TERRIFYING TO US ALL.

SOMETIMES I CAN LOOK AROUND AS THE CONGREGATION RECITES THESE WORDS AND I CAN TELL WHO IN THIS ROOM IS WRESTLING WITH THIS SITUATION IN THEIR LIVES RIGHT NOW. AND I CAN TELL WHO IN THIS ROOM IS WORRIED THAT IF NOT THIS YEAR, THEN MAYBE NEXT YEAR, THIS WILL BE THEIR FATE.

AND WHEN I RECITE THOSE WORDS I ALSO THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE I KNOW WHO SUFFER FROM SUCH DISEASES AND OF THEIR CARETAKERS.
IT’S TERRIBLY HARD TO BE CAREGIVER – WHETHER TO A PARENT, SPOUSE OR CHILD! THERE IS AN OLD YIDDISH PROVERB THAT SAYS: “WHEN PARENTS FEED CHILDREN THEY BOTH LAUGH, WHEN CHILDREN FEED PARENTS, THEY BOTH CRY.” HOW TRUE, HOW TERRIBLY TRUE, THAT PROVERB IS!!!

IT IS HARD, TERRIBLY HARD, ALMOST UNIMAGINABLY HARD, TO BE A CAREGIVER. FOR WHEN YOU ARE A CAREGIVER TO SOMEONE WHOSE MIND AND BODY HAVE BEEN GREATLY DIMINISHED BY ILLNESS, SO MUCH OF YOUR LIFE IS CONSUMED BY CAREGIVING, AND THERE IS SO LITTLE RELIEF AND SO LITTLE RESPITE, AND SOMETIMES SO LITTLE APPRECIATION FROM THE ONE WHOM YOU ARE CARING FOR.

WHEN YOU ARE A CAREGIVER, YOU MUST STRUGGLE AGAINST EXHAUSTION, AGAINST SELF PITY, AND AGAINST RESENTMENT. YOU MUST STRUGGLE AGAINST ANGER AND AGAINST A HOST OF OTHER EMOTIONS THAT NO ONE WHO HAS NOT GONE THROUGH WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH CAN EVER EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND. AND EVENTUALLY, YOUR STRENGTH WEARS OUT AND YOU BECOME WEARY AND WORN OUT.
OTHER PEOPLE MAY TELL YOU HOW WONDERFUL YOU ARE. OTHER PEOPLE MAY SAY THAT YOU ARE SAINTLY. BUT IN YOUR OWN EYES, YOU ARE SIMPLY DOING WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. IT IS NOT A LIFE THAT YOU WOULD HAVE CHOSEN, BUT YOU CANNOT IMAGINE DOING ANYTHING ELSE IN THE SITUATION IN WHICH YOU FIND YOURSELF.

BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS HEROIC, FOR THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE. YOU COULD QUIT, YOU COULD GIVE UP, AND YOU COULD ABANDON THE ONE WHOM YOU ARE CARING FOR. THEREFORE, BECAUSE YOU HAVE AN ALTERNATIVE, TO MUSTER UP THE PHYSICAL AND THE EMOTIONAL STAMINA THAT CAREGIVING REQUIRES, DAY AFTER DAY, WEEK AFTER WEEK, MONTH AFTER MONTH, SOMETIMES YEAR AFTER YEAR, TO HOLD ON SO FIERCELY TO LOVE, EVEN WHEN THE PERSON WHOM YOU LOVE HAS CHANGED SO PROFOUNDLY THAT HE OR SHE IS NO LONGER THE SAME PERSON AND TO CARE FOR SOMEONE FOR WHOM YOU MAY HAVE HAD, NOT ALWAYS LOVE BUT SOMETIMES AMBIVALENT AND COMPLEX FEELINGS, THIS IS HEROISM, HEROISM OF THE HIGHEST ORDER.

DOES JUDAISM HAVE ANY WISDOM AND ANY GUIDANCE TO OFFER TO THOSE OF US WHO ARE CAREGIVERS TODAY? OR TO THOSE OF US WHO MAY FACE THIS CHALLENGE IN THE FUTURE? FOR IF IT DOES, WE SURELY WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS.
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT THE JEWISH TRADITION HAS THREE LESSONS TO TEACH US. AND THIS IS WHAT THEY ARE:

THE FIRST IS THAT, ACCORDING TO JUDAISM, YOU HAVE THE MORAL RIGHT, AND YOU HAVE THE HALACHIC RIGHT, TO FOLLOW THE ADVICE OF THE RAMBAM.

MAIMONIDES SAYS IT CLEARLY: IF THE TASK OF CARING FOR A PARENT BECOMES BEYOND YOUR STRENGTH, THEN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO TURN OVER THE TASK TO ONE WHO IS MORE COMPETENT, TO ONE WHO IS LESS EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED, TO ONE WHO WILL DO IT WITH YOU OR INSTEAD OF YOU. MAIMONIDES IS VERY CLEAR. HE SAYS THAT THERE ARE LIMITS TO WHAT A HUMAN BEING CAN DO. AND IF YOU REACH THAT LIMIT, THEN YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HIRE HELP, AND YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BRING YOUR LOVED ONE TO AN AGENCY THAT IS SET UP TO CARE FOR HIM OR HER, AND YOU ARE ALLOWED TO SHARE THIS DIFFICULT TASK. FOR IF YOU DON'T, THEN YOU WILL COLLAPSE. AND WHY SHOULD THERE BE TWO WHO ARE ILL INSTEAD OF JUST ONE?

MAIMONIDES SAYS THAT THE DECISION TO TURN OVER THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CARE OF A SICK ONE DOES NOT ABSOLVE YOU FROM THE DUTY TO VISIT, AND TO CARE, BY NO MEANS, BUT IT DOES ABSOLVE YOU OF THE DUTY TO BE CONSUMED WITH THE TASK UNTIL YOU YOURSELF BECOME ILL AS A RESULT. AND SO THIS IS MY FIRST WORD OF GUIDANCE TO YOU: THERE ARE LIMITS TO HUMAN STRENGTH, AND THERE IS NO POINT TO SELF DESTRUCTION. THEREFORE, ACCORDING TO THE RAMBAM, THERE IS A TIME, WHEN IT IS PERMITTED, AND THERE IS EVEN A TIME WHEN IT IS A MITZVAH, TO SHARE THE CARE OF SOMEONE WHOM YOU LOVE WITH OTHERS, WHO CAN DO IT WITH YOU, AND WHO CAN PERHAPS EVEN DO IT BETTER THAN YOU.

THAT IS THE FIRST THING THAT I WANT TO SAY TO THE CARETAKERS IN OUR MIDST TODAY…THAT THERE ARE LIMITS TO WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THE ILL WITHOUT BECOMING ILL YOURSELVES, AND THAT, WHEN YOU REACH THAT POINT, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT, AND PERHAPS EVEN THE DUTY, TO SHARE THE TASK OF CAREGIVING WITH OTHERS.

BUT, IF YOU REFUSE TO TAKE THE PERMISSION WHICH THE RAMBAM GIVES YOU, THEN THE SECOND THING THAT THE JEWISH TRADITION HAS TO SAY TO YOU IS THAT, AS THE TALMUD PUTS IT: “HASHECHINAH SHRUYAH AL MITATO SHEL HACHOLEH, - THAT GOD'S HOLY PRESENCE HOVERS OVER THE BED OF ONE WHO IS SICK.”

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I THINK IT MEANS THAT WHEN YOU LOOK UPON THE FACE OF SOMEONE WHO IS ILL, FRAIL AND IMPAIRED BY DISEASE, IT IS A MITZVAH TO REMEMBER, TO REMEMBER AND TO NEVER FORGET THAT THIS PERSON IS NEVERTHELESS, EVEN IN HIS OR HER ILLNESS, EVEN IN HIS OR HER DEMENTIA, EVEN IN HIS OR HER NEARLY DEHUMANIZED STATE, EVEN WHEN THIS PERSON CAN NO LONGER SPEAK OR THINK, EVEN WHEN THIS PERSON CAN NO LONGER RECOGNIZE YOU, OR CAN NO LONGER EVEN RECOGNIZE HIMSELF OR HERSELF, THAT THIS PERSON IS STILL NEVERTHELESS MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD. NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING WHATSOEVER, NOT EVEN THE LOSS OF THE MIND, NOTHING, NOTHING WHATSOEVER, CAN EVER DESTROY THE INHERENT DIGNITY OF A HUMAN BEING.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS THAT NO ONE IS EVER ALLOWED TO REFER TO HIM OR HER AS 'THE CASE IN ROOM 503'. IT MEANS THAT NO ONE IS EVER ALLOWED TO TREAT THIS PERSON ROUGHLY OR DISRESPECTFULLY. IT MEANS THAT NO ONE IS EVER ALLOWED, GOD FORBID, TO EXPLOIT OR MISTREAT THE PERSON WHO IS THEIR CARE. IT MEANS THAT NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TALK IN THEIR PRESENCE AS IF THEY WERE NOT THERE. AND NO ONE IS EVER ALLOWED TO TREAT THEM AS IF THEY WERE LESS THAN FULLY HUMAN. FOR “THE SHECHNAH HOVERS OVER THE BED OF THE ONE WHO IS SICK!” AND WE DARE NOT EVER FORGET THAT!



THERE IS A WONDERFUL MIDRASH THAT I WOULD HAVE YOU LEARN TODAY, IF YOU DO NOT ALREADY KNOW IT. IT IS THE MIDRASH THAT SAYS THAT WHEN MOSES CAME DOWN FROM MT. SINAI AND SAW THE PEOPLE DANCING AROUND THE GOLDEN CALF, HE SMASHED THE TWO TABLETS OF STONE, ON WHICH WERE WRITTEN THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. AND THEN, AFTER GOD FORGAVE THE PEOPLE FOR THE SIN OF THE CALF, MOSES WENT BACK UP THE MOUNTAIN, AND BROUGHT BACK A SECOND SET OF TABLETS, AS HOLY AS THE FIRST ONES WHICH HE HAD BROKEN. THE MIDRASH ASKS: WHAT DID HE DO WITH THE BROKEN PIECES OF THE FIRST SET OF COMMANDMENTS? AND THE ANSWER THAT THEY GIVE IS THAT HE PUT THOSE BROKEN PIECES IN THE ARK RIGHT NEXT TO THE SET THAT WAS COMPLETE. WHY? IN ORDER TO TEACH US THAT THAT WHICH WAS ONCE HOLY REMAINS HOLY, EVEN IN ITS BROKEN STATE. IN ORDER TO TEACH US THAT BROKEN PEOPLE, SENILE PEOPLE, PEOPLE WITH ALZHEIMER'S, PEOPLE WITH PARKINSON'S, ARE STILL HOLY. PEOPLE, WHO WERE ONCE HOLY, REMAIN HOLY, EVEN IN THEIR BROKEN STATE.

THIS IS THE SECOND LESSON THAT I WOULD OFFER TO THE CARETAKERS IN OUR MIDST TODAY, AND TO THOSE OF US WHO MAY BECOME, OR WHO MAY BE IN NEED OF CARETAKERS, SOMEDAY IN THE FUTURE.

THE LAST LESSON THAT I WOULD OFFER TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE BEING TESTED IN THIS WAY IS THIS: KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THAT THE TASK OF THE CAREGIVER IS NOT ALWAYS TO CURE. SOMETIMES CURING IS SIMPLY NOT AN OPTION, NOT FOR THE DOCTOR AND NOT FOR THE CAREGIVER. THE TASK OF THE CAREGIVER IS NOT TO CURE, BUT TO GIVE TO THE PERSON WHO IS ILL THE MOST VALUABLE GIFT THAT WE CAN GIVE THEM, THE GIFT OF REASSURANCE. EVERY DAY YOU HAVE THE POWER AND THE ABILITY TO SEND A MESSAGE TO THE ONE WHOM YOU CARE FOR, WHETHER THEY HAVE THE POWER AND THE ABILITY TO RECEIVE IT AND COMPREHEND IT OR NOT. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO SAY TO THEM, BY YOUR WORDS OR BY YOUR DEEDS THAT: YOU MATTER TO ME AND THAT IN MY EYES, YOU ARE STILL PRECIOUS. YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE, BUT I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND I CARE ABOUT YOU. DESPITE THE DAMAGE THAT LIFE HAS DONE TO YOUR BODY AND YOUR MIND, YOU ARE STILL PRECIOUS TO ME. AND IF YOU CAN DO THAT, IF YOU CAN SEND THAT MESSAGE, DIFFICULT AS IT IS TO CONVEY, AND DIFFICULT AS IT IS TO RECEIVE, I CAN THINK OF NO MITZVAH THAT ANYONE CAN DO THAT IS GREATER THAN THIS.

IF YOU CAN SEND THIS MESSAGE THAT I CARE ABOUT YOU AND THAT YOU ARE PRECIOUS TO ME, EVEN NOW, EVEN IN THIS STATE, WHAT A BLESSING YOU ARE TO THAT PERSON.

LET ME FINISH WITH A STORY THAT I LOVE, THAT SPEAKS TO MY HEART, AND THAT I HOPE WILL SPEAK TO YOURS AS WELL. HEAR THIS STORY, PLEASE, AND HEAR IT WELL. FOR I CAN THINK OF NOTHING THAT I CAN SAY TO YOU TODAY THAT IS AS IMPORTANT THAN THIS.
I WAS AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE ONE DAY LAST YEAR. I WAS WAITING IN LINE TO SIGN MY NAME AT THE RECEPTIONIST'S DESK BEFORE I SAT DOWN, AND I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING THE CONVERSATION BETWEEN THE RECEPTIONIST AND THE MAN IN FRONT OF ME. HE SAID TO HER, “LOOK, WOULD YOU DO ME A BIG FAVOR. I SEE THAT THE DOCTOR IS RUNNING LATE, AND I HAVE TO LEAVE IN JUST A FEW MINUTES. I HAVE AN IMPORTANT APPOINTMENT, A VERY IMPORTANT APPOINTMENT. COULD YOU PLEASE GET ME IN EARLY?”

THE WOMAN SAID SHE WOULD DO WHAT SHE COULD, SHE WOULD TRY HER BEST , BUT THEN, FOR SOME REASON, I DON'T KNOW WHY, SHE ASKED HIM, “WHAT IS THE APPOINTMENT? WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAVE TO LEAVE SO QUICKLY?”

AND HE SAID TO HER, “IT'S MY WIFE. SHE IS AT A FACILITY FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE SUFFERING FROM ALZHEIMER'S, AND I HAVE TO GET THERE IN TIME TO HAVE LUNCH WITH HER.”

THE RECEPTIONIST SAID, “BUT IF SHE HAS ALZHEIMER'S, WILL SHE REALLY KNOW WHETHER YOU ARE THERE OR NOT?”

AND THE MAN SAID, “OH NO. SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE. SHE HASN'T FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.”

AND THE RECEPTIONIST SAID, “IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, THEN WHAT'S THE BIG RUSH TO GET THERE IN TIME TO HAVE LUNCH WITH HER?”

THE MAN REPLIED, “YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. SHE MAY NOT KNOW WHO I AM, BUT I STILL KNOW WHO SHE IS.”

THE RECEPTIONIST WALKED INTO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE AND SAID SOMETHING TO HIM. AND THEN SHE CAME OUT AND SHE WALKED THIS MAN RIGHT INTO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE. THEN SHE TURNED TO ME, AND SHE SAID SOMETHING THAT HAS STAYED IN MY MIND EVER SINCE.

SHE TURNED TO ME AND IF I AM NOT MISTAKEN, I AM NOT SURE, BUT I THINK THAT THERE WAS A BIT OF WETNESS IN HER EYES, AND SHE SAID TO ME, “THAT'S THE KIND OF LOVE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE IN MY LIFE SOMEDAY.”

AND THAT IS THE TRUE MEANING OF CAREGIVING.

MAY GOD BLESS EACH ONE OF US WITH MUCH STRENGTH AND MUCH GOOD HEALTH IN THIS NEW YEAR THAT NOW BEGINS.

AND IF, IN THE FUTURE, IF, IN THE YEARS TO COME, EITHER WE OR ONE WHOM WE LOVE BECOME OLD AND WEAK AND INFIRM, THEN MAY GOD BLESS US WITH THE JOY OF HAVING SUCH A CAREGIVER, ONE WHO IS TRULY DEVOTED, AND ONE WHO IS TRULY HEROIC. AND IF IT TURNS OUT TO BE OUR LOT TO BE THE CAREGIVER, INSTEAD OF THE ONE TO WHOM CARE MUST BE GIVEN, THEN MAY WE DO THIS SACRED TASK, AS CAREFULLY, AS LOVINGLY, AND AS PATIENTLY, AS WE CAN. AND MAY GOD HELP US IN THIS TASK.

AND TO THE REST OF US WHO ARE HERE TODAY, TO THOSE OF US WHO ARE WELL, AND WHOSE LOVED ONES ARE WELL, WHAT IS THE LESSON?

THE LESSON IS TO CARE FOR THE CAREGIVERS IN OUR MIDST. THE LESSON IS TO RESOLVE TO GIVE THEM AN ENCOURAGING WORD OR A SMILE OR A HUG OR A PAT ON THE BACK WHEN WE MEET THEM. THE LESSON IS TO CALL THEM ONCE IN A WHILE AND ASK: HOW ARE YOU DOING? THE LESSON IS TO REALIZE HOW AWESOME AND HOW DRAINING AND HOW DIFFICULT THEIR LIVES ARE. AND TO DO WHATEVER WE CAN TO STRENGTHEN THEM AND TO HONOR THEM AND TO PAY ATTENTION TO THEM. FOR THESE GOOD PEOPLE, WHO DO THEIR WORK WITHOUT QUESTION AND WITHOUT COMPLAINT, ARE THE REAL HEROES IN OUR MIDST. THEY DESERVE ALL THE HELP AND ALL THE HONOR THAT WE CAN GIVE THEM.

MAY WE RESOLVE IN THIS NEW YEAR, NOT TO IGNORE THEM BUT TO NOTICE THEM, NOT TO TREAT THEM AS IF THEY ARE INVISIBLE BUT INSTEAD TO RECOGNIZE THEM AND TO APPRECIATE THEM FOR THE DAILY DEEDS OF HEROISM WHICH THEY PERFORM.